Hand me the Sargon, I’m out of Vodka and Metamucil

It’s been awhile since I’ve chatted about my latest genealogical discoveries, possibly because I came across an article which is undecidedly awkward?

I don’t know much about Great Grandmamma Golden (I’ve been on a Downton fix, “grandmamma” sounds amazeballs to me), nonetheless I happened to discover a few articles about her on Newspapers.com.

“Mrs. John T. Golden” as she is referred to in all articles, was that of a socialite, card champion and traveller. To me, the articles illustrate a posh lifestyle filled with sensational lunches, social circles and women wearing ginormous feathery hats – drinking a copious amount of champagne tea.

HOWEVER! My champagne tea drinking, big hat wearing, card sharking Great Grandmama’s epic image was somewhat crushed after reading a personal testimonial from GGG (Great Grandmamma Golden) on the topic of the “new miracle and scientifically therapeutic agent”

Sargon.

What. The. Hell. Is. Sargon!?

I read further… not only was GGG “subject to such terrible attacks of dizziness” she wouldn’t “dare go downtown shopping.”

Oh my God. No shopping? This truly was an illness. ALL Golden women love to shop!

I read her testimonial further.

Constant constipation was another trouble, and I was so nervous and upset, I never knew what a good night’s sleep meant”.

Hmm… I SUPPOSE the modern day cure would be some Metamucil and popping a Gravol?
Or Metamucil and a bourbon chaser?
Who am I kidding, we’re Goldens! Metamucil IN Bourbon!

I continued to read.

If it hadn’t been for Sargon, I don’t know what would have become of me – it’s the only medicine that ever gave me lasting relief! I haven’t had a sick headache or the slightest trouble with my stomach since the second bottle, and my entire system feels wonderfully strengthened. That terrible dizziness and nervous condition have been overcome; I sleep well every night and I get up feeling as fresh and fit as the new day!”

What is this miracle drug? I want some.

I continued to search Newspapers.com about the miracle drug, Sargon. Some of the testimonials were pretty convincing… ok, I’m lying, but a Former U.S. Senator had this to say:

 Sargon was highly recommended to me and I decided to try it. It appealed to me strongly because of its scientific background. Its effects in my case were most gratifying and it seemed to be just what I needed.” – Former U.S. Senator Thomas W. Hardwick.

The testimonials continued… did you know Sargon was only available at a limited amount of Eaton’s stores? Revolutionizing the treatment of constipation in Canada!

…I feel so icky just writing this…

Anyway, I decided to do some research on Sargon, the “miracle potion”.

Sargon was produced in the great southern state of Georgia, by a man named G.F Willis in the year of 1929. Fascinating. Its popularity spread throughout the United States, eventually making its way across the border.

Upon further inquiry into Sargon, I found a document from the Federal Bureau of Investigation – ironically enough, Sargon was released during a time of prohibition… and its popularity sparked interest among government authorities.

In 1933, research concluded that the main components in Sargon “the miracle drug” were in fact…laxatives and alcohol. Deeming the product “misleading”, carrying out “false and unfair trade practices” and of course, deemed the product “unfair in trade competition”.

Woo hoo! Laxatives and liquor, who wouldn’t feel 100%?

My cousin Cathy also helped in the Sargon investigation and discovered a few things, along with some facts:

• The laxative in Sargon is phenolphthalein. It is quite powerful and its effect can last a couple of days.
• The medical community was furious with the company producing Sargon because of the “sweeping” claims it was making.  If you think about it, most people in the 1930s were probably dehydrated and malnourished. This breeds severe constipation and an overall shite feeling (no pun intended).
• The Sargon Company probably paid GGG to endorse the product, she probably benefited from it both monetarily and health wise… drunk and pooping yourself healthy, what more could you ask for! (I love this quote so much)

Could you imagine having a continued buzz all day…? AT WORK and while SHOPPING (remember, it’s important to maintain your dosage), with a clear uninhibited abdomen!?

All jokes aside…

Who am I kidding? I think it’s hilarious.

Poor GGG and all the rest of the Sargon suckers – in all fairness, who am I to judge.

Maybe they all knew… it was prohibition after all.